I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
