my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
