This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
