Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
