Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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