About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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