Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
