Betty ford says i'm here all night
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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