i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
