I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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