I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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