can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
