i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Never let your siblings swipe right.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
