I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
