I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
