I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
