I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
