I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
