When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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