1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
