Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
