I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
