you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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