I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
