the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
