Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
