dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
