Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
