party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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