I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
