I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Randomize
