I can text with my tongue
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I wish you could order shots online.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
