i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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