I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I pour the whiskey from now on
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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