Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Can you bring me the toilet please
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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