O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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