i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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