Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
