he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
