Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
