No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
