No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
