Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
