Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
