Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
