so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
