Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I didn't shave. On purpose
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
