I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
