First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
