He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
