She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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