I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
