if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
