We named our party play list daddy issues
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
