.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
