I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
