This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We have started to decorate penises.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He did a backflip because drugs
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
