I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
