Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
