her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Michael Bay diarrhea
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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