I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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