recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
