I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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