dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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