i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
