I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
