In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
