Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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